Here we are. A month has passed since my Japanese boyfriend flew back to Russia for his 2-year-Master's degree. A long distance relationship doesn't scare me. I wasn't worried at all about our separation, having plenty on my plate to deal with. But what are the pros & cons of challenging your relationship with the distance?

For me, letting my husband go was an obvious choice and I didn’t bat an eye at the idea of a long distance relationship. I love him, he loves me back, but being together shouldn’t stop us from accomplishing our dreams. His dream was to pursue his education in Russia. I was settling in Japan and learning Japanese. What’s 2 years in a lifetime spent together, I thought, « nothing ». We can survive it (and we certainly did!).

That being said, there are some pros & cons to a long distance relationship and I found quite fun to list them up.

Pros

#1 Widely top of the list, the WARDROBE.

Insert here a maniac laugh soundtrack. The closet is mine, all mine. Ô sweet, sweet kingdom of clothes… I enjoyed very much taking all the space. Also, I’m given the perfect excuse to shop for more clothes, I do need (new) warmer outfits to go see my husband in Russia. I won the iron hangers (not the throne, alas). Hm. Can I give back the space when he returns?

#2 A girl need time for herself

I can manicure my nails in front of the TV, enjoy perfume and scented body cream without hearing my husband complain that it « smells bad ».

# 3 Eat what I want, when I want

Let’s be honest. I love my husband, but oh boy, do men need that much food? I can focus on my work, my blog or a good book and forget about cooking meals every 2 or 3 hours or so. No tell me about freedom!

Reading. Focused.

# 4 I can watch horror movies.

My husband, with all his muscles and juujitsu, absolutely hates horror movies. Not sure that’s the case for all Japanese people (by the way, Asian horror movies are way frightening than Hollywood ones), but I can’t even start a trailer in French with headphones on without my husband running for the door, all sweaty and stressed out. Just the thought that I started a horror movie trailer on my laptop has him freaking out.

Even Hannibal is too much for him 🙁

# 5 Laundry once per week.

Do I need to say more?

Oh, and I can use scented fabric softener.

Cons

#1 A girl can’t sleep.

When my night owl husband’s home, I’m grumpy because he tends to wake me up making noise or turning the light on. But when he’s abroad, here I am, eyes wide open, trying to find some sleep in an empty bed.

#2 I spend hours without speaking.

Well, I do have Japanese language classes and I teach French, so I do speak. But otherwise, when I’m back home, I have no one, literally no one, to talk to. This… is quite troublesome as I found myself speaking to myself out loud, to the cats and the tanukis on the street… Soon, I’ll speak to trees in the park and the flowers on my balcony.

#3 Can’t escape doing stuff.

Errands, answering the intercom or the phone. I can no longer invoke sudden fatigue, a broken little finger or just my inability to get out from the sofa on time.

#4 I can’t watch horror movies.

More like, I can’t take refuse in my husband’s arms when my brain is convinced that there’s demonic activities in out closet. Or a monster behind the door. Or zombies.

#5 I can’t share activities with the person I love.

Yikes. That’s the toughest con against a long distance relationship and truly what makes us feel lonely. We had our routine, visiting new places and cafes on the weekend, watching a movie on Friday night or cats videos compilations on YouTube… Even though I can do all of this alone, the fun wouldn’t be entirely there because I can’t share the experience with him.

ameliemarieintokyo

Web editor based in Tokyo since 2013, working in communication & marketing. Passionate about writing stories, curious and sensitive, I love to showcase my life in Japan and to share my experience of Japanese society.

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